I Cried a River in Medical School


My five months in Medical School was a roller-coaster ride. The joy of being with like-minded people, surrounded by passionate classmates and having strong support from each other has enormously brought me euphoria. I am happy with the company of these people. Theirs is innocence, friendship and happiness. Honestly, I have never been in this kind of Chemistry with people. I am usually the isolated, silent, low-key, socially-indifferent man. But here I am rediscovering myself, my values, my priorities and my principles. I thank God with tears of joy for allowing me to meet these kinds of people in my life. At least to a certain degree, I was changed.

Sometimes I literally want to cry during review sessions and after examinations. The demands of academic pressure are overpowering often times.  The voluminous information to be retained after reading is unpleasantly difficult to process. My self-worth has been scarred and this has brought me to tears in most cases. Breakdowns do occur, but I view it as part of growing. What is important is that I am learning despite my seemingly futile efforts.

Next is emotional and psychological support. Being into medicine is not for the faint of heart.  Here, your psychological stamina is also tested. Having no support from family is distressful and oftentimes heart-breaking. I always turn to Father God and Mother Mary for emotional help when I can’t take it anymore. At 27, being the eldest in the family and slightly a bread-winner, is not a laughable matter. It’s taking a large toll on my emotional/psychological health. My mother whom I want to seek love and affection is not motherly enough and I honestly don’t see her as a true mother (reasons I can’t explain). My Father whom I longingly want to hug, or seek console to my problems, is no longer with us. And even during the times, he was on Earth, he never showed Fatherly love and care towards me (traumatic childhood experience).

I encourage you especially if you have relatives in Medical school to extend compassion, moral support,  and understanding towards us. We, medical students, are facing a battle too hard to handle. If possible, please hug and love us.  You don’t know how harsh the sea we are travelling. We are not doing this only for ourselves but for the lives we can save. Some medical students are very lucky enough to have all the financial, emotional and psychological support. But majority of us, I believe, are wounded and facing personal battles on top of our loaded academic requirements and crowded medical curriculum. You don’t know how a Hug let alone words of kindness mean so much to us!

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