Unending Struggle

With exam week fast approaching, I find myself paralyzed. Overwhelmed by the voluminous material to memorize and learn, my spirit is crushing. My agony is beyond description, as my anxiety level rises to its maximum degree. For normal people with strong support, adaptation is not a problem. But for emotionally-unstable person like me, these seem a lot. I wonder if my professors in medicine have felt this way too. How were they when they were like us? How did they make it? In awe, I bow for them with nobility and great respect.

Many times with the clutters of information needed to learn and digest, time is of the essence. Learning to manage the limited resource of 24 hours daily is a struggle most of us have to juggle with. Given my limited memory capacity there is only so much I can store. I am neither imbecile nor incapable; I am just human with limitations. I can’t do all of these stuff in one sitting, I have to read and re-read materials over and over until it becomes clear and settled in my neurons. As an average student, with no photographic memory, the struggle is real.

There is no way I can escape the process. Inasmuch as I want to cry and breakdown, I have nowhere to go but forward. I can’t retract and quit because I want this so badly. I know what I am capable of, I know I can contribute better to my society as future physician. I just need to pass for now, and be able to meet the minimum standards set forth by my professors (60% MPL). As in this dark moments, I am happy receiving a passing grade even if it’s only “sakto, or pasang-awa” for as long as I passed. I can’t ask for more nor demand for more. My spirit is contented.

For my Year 2 at Cagayan State University, I am worried with General Pathology because it is rumored that a lot of students are failing in this subject. I am also worried with Medical Microbiology and Pediatrics for both subjects is as equally challenging and stuff-loaded with tons of things to memorize. Laboratory Diagnosis as a subject is one thing I have difficulty in learning. Probably because I am not a Medical Technologist which adds up to its level of difficulty; Pharmacology will come in as one of my strength because of my Pharmacy degree which is basically our foundation. I hope that I can thrive with this environment. Every cells in my body has to adapt with the constant stress of Medicine in order not to progress in irreversible damage. Drugs such as caffeine and Vitamin B-complex can help but nothing can beat perseverance and attitude in this one big journey.

P.S.:: Jesus Christ, ikaw na po bahala. Ginagawa ko naman ang part ko bilang estudyante. Nais ko lang naman matapos at grumaduate para makatulong sa pamilya ko bilang isang breadwinner sa future kasi wala na akong tatay at ako ang first child. Gusto ko rin naman tumulong sa mga pasyenteng nangangailangan kahit kaunti lang kung ano ang kaya ko. Hindi naman siguro malabong mangyari yun?  Salamat sa pagbabasa kaibigan!

Kinakalbo na sa Med at CSU Library 2019 

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