I need a Blood-and-Flesh Father

Up to this day and age, I have asked God to bring me a father figure who will be there to guide me. Nearing 28^th, I still haven’t found one. The biggest challenge to my life has always been a lack of fatherly love. I might seem happy and jolly on the outside but deep inside there is a scar so big (a chronic granulomatous wound if you want it medical) that can’t be filled by worldy materials, success nor money. That is looking for a strong man who can love you as his son. Someone strong enough to care for you in public and in private, a shoulder to lean on in times of stress and difficulties, a crying posts whenever you have problems, when you need advice someone to talk to.

I have turned to my Divine Father to fulfill all of the roles of flesh-and-blood father but it still seems different. I need a person with a heartbeat, a living being to connect with. Someone who listens and replies just like a father.

It is rather funny that a mature, adult individual in his 28^th is still looking for something or more accurately someone. But it isn’t funny at all. There is nothing funny about growing up in an emotionally-deprived, neglected childhood. When you feel that your childhood is traumatic and not enjoyable. When you have to live in fear and in exhaustion as a young man instead of joy; When you have to endure and struggle instead of living like a child.

We only pass thru childhood phase once, it is a crucial phase for it is when our values and attitudes are formed. Whatever insights and beliefs we have learned during this period will strongly influence our lives as adults in the future. That is why, I have this feeling of inadequacy despite my academic achievements. Despite where I am today, I still have this low self-esteem that I have to work on every single day. The psychological impact is so strong and not at all enjoyable.

I can only be so strong. I attribute this to my religiosity. Many times I have questioned my faith and my belief in God. But despite this, I still end up believing every day. In life there are injustices and there are questions. In your personal lives, there is a cross you are carrying. That cross may feel so heavy like you want to give up and quit. But remember, such are blessings because it teaches you to be more thankful, more appreciative in life. Suffering is a way of connecting as together as this is a universal language. You don’t know what is going on with each and everyone’s personal life but you have been through darkness and so you must understand what it feels like. So that when others are there, you know how to respond—with kindness and a little hope. Don’t carry a bitter heart!