A Glimpse of my Past and Into the Future

by: archi byqn

I was a victim of child abuse. Violence. Physical trauma. Pain. That is how I saw my world. The hardship is eternal—I wonder when the end will be? I wished my perpetrator die and suffer just like how he inflicts suffering to me. But I am a defenseless five-year old, and crying is my only resort. I sought for help but it never came. Dismayed. Disheartened. If only I was old enough, if only I was more physically capable, I should have, I should have….


The metal part of the belt hit my butt, into my back, down to my legs and up to my arms. “Wala kang kwentang bata, put?!g ina mo –“ You are of no use, mother fuc?!r. “ I heard him say repeatedly. I needed help. The horror was very real. I needed help, Oh God wherever you may be. The striking took forever until it finally halts. The perpetrator must have felt mercy—or was tired to even continue. My body was soar, my eyes puffing, my voice hoarse from screaming and my heart too heavy.


The beating continued for several years. It was the worst nightmare of my life. Poverty everywhere, Poor child…



All I want now is a little love. My past has affected my psychological well-being. The insecurity as an adult is profound, even of the tiniest matter. I get depress frequently from time to time. However, I keep my optimism high. This can never be the end.


On the lighter note, I am a survivor.


Writing has given me the power to self-express. Writing has become my outlet of emotions. My greatest source of healing, the blending of words, their sweetness and choreography. For that, I am thankful. For God is my Witness to all the events of my past. For whatever we were once and whatever we will be does not matter. Our outlook and attitude in life is what determines our self.


Go on, move further. A little Step can reach a thousand mile, so never Quit!

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